ext_66435 ([identity profile] jessicaj703.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] luminare91 2011-04-26 03:54 pm (UTC)

Nice chapter. I like how you're advancing the story with the details about Oliver's training and R&D. Your dialogue is quite good and flows really well. There are some clunky sentences in the descriptive paragraphs, though. Let me know if you ever want another beta - part of my job is technical editing. I'm really looking forward to see where the story goes from here! Keep writing! :)

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